The Only Way is Essex

Sometimes this blog thing makes me uncomfortably aware of my decisions. Today, for instance, was remarkably unproductive. So now is a time to reflect on all of the things I didn’t do. Then again, I do feel like my hands are somewhat tied at this point. For example: I didn’t do any more packing, but I’m 98% done and the rest really has to wait til I’m walking out the door. I have to have clothes to wear for the rest of the week, after all. I didn’t make any more plans for my extended trip, but I bought my Eurail pass yesterday and can’t make any train reservations til it arrives in the mail. Finally, I didn’t get any work on my essay done. Well, I got a little done. It wasn’t much. But, I also found out that the essay will not be “fine graded.” So… I don’t have to work too hard on it.

I’ve been watching trashy English TV. You know, the “reality” kind that follows very rich, very young, very trashy people who like to be orange. I figure it’s my last crash course in English culture. I’ve become quite well acquainted with English comedy, which they’re very proud of, so no it’s time to get to know the seedy underbelly of UK entertainment. The Only Way is Essex is horrifying. These 20 year old girls have had so much work done that their faces just look like big shiny puddles. And their breasts are even scarier. You almost feel sorry for them.

WATCH OUT! you’re going to melt your face!

oh, honey…

It’s almost enough to make you want to go to Essex, in the same way that you kindof want to go to the zoo. You know? For science.

My roommates told me that I should watch “Made in Chelsea.” It’s in the same vein, but I guess classier. Less orange and such. I’ll give it a go, but first I have to find out if the two most awful people in Essex marry each other and ruin their lives.

So I’m not proud if it, but that’s the way the majority of my day went. I bought a whole jar of raspberry jam even though I have less than a week left here. I ran out yesterday, and that stuff is my favorite. That’s one of the things I’ll miss when I go back to America. I might have to try to smuggle some home with me.

I was hoping I’d be able to put on a pretty convincing English accent by the time I’d lived here this long, but unfortunately that’s not the case. I’ve been practicing a little now, imitating the people on TV, but for some reason it just kinda goes weirdly southern. I’m not from the South! It does make sense in one way: the English accent is much less refined than we all tend to believe. I think they might be the only native-English speakers with worse enunciation than Arkansas. The reason Americans can’t do British accents is that we speak too clearly, and end up sounding very posh. The queen might talk like that (might!) but normal people don’t.

I wonder if I’ve picked up any English expressions. My parents will have to be on the lookout for that when I see them again–IN LESS THAN ONE WEEK! So excited. Love those guys.


2 thoughts on “The Only Way is Essex

  1. You have picked up expressions…have a go at it…straight away….

    I’ve noticed the similarity between an English accent and a southern one. I wonder if its because the South tried to uphold the aristocracy for so long. Dunno.

  2. I too note your use of English expressions and find it interesting. It reflects your acculturation. I do believe your folks are just as excited to see you as you are to see them.

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